Unexpected Feelings in Grief: Why They Arise and How to Heal

Grief is never a linear process. It doesn’t follow a script, and it rarely behaves the way we expect. While you may anticipate feelings like sadness, grief often brings a surprising mix of emotions that can catch you off guard. These feelings are valid, and recognizing them is a crucial step toward healing.

What Feelings Might Arise in Grief?

Grief encompasses more than sadness. It may surprise you with emotions like:

• Numbness: Feeling disconnected or unable to process
• Anger: Directed at people, circumstances, or even the person you’ve lost
• Relief: Especially after a long illness or strained relationship
• Jealousy: Of people whose lives remain untouched by your loss
• Anxiety: Worrying about future losses or life without your loved one
• Guilt: Blaming yourself because it feels easier than accepting lack of control
• Fear: Wondering, “What’s next?”

Sometimes, you may feel all these emotions at once, especially in cases of complicated relationships or unresolved issues. Grief doesn’t fit into neat categories—it ebbs, flows, and overlaps.

Why Naming Your Feelings Matters

The phrase “You can’t heal what you don’t feel” holds profound truth in grief work. Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear; it forces them to find other outlets—through emotional outbursts, physical symptoms, or persistent overwhelm.

Think of it like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. The harder you push, the more forcefully it pops back up. Your emotions behave the same way. When you allow them to surface—without judgment—you create space for healing.

Creating Space for Your Emotions

Allowing your emotions to arise takes courage, especially when they feel overwhelming or unfamiliar. Here are some ways to safely explore your grief:

• Create a Ritual of Reflection: Set aside time to journal, meditate, or simply sit with your thoughts.
• Find Support: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, a grief group, or a professional grief coach.
• Stay Curious: When emotions arise, ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body?”

If exploring these feelings alone feels daunting, seek the company of someone who can hold space for you—whether a friend, counselor, or faith community.

A Powerful Reminder from Tyler Perry

In a heartfelt interview, Tyler Perry shared his experience with grief after multiple devastating losses:

“Grief is a living thing. It visits at random. You can’t schedule it.
I tried to work it away. I tried to drink it away. I tried to book myself like crazy.
All my grief did was wait for me to finish.
So when it shows up, however it shows up, let it show up.”

This truth underscores the importance of letting your grief express itself rather than trying to suppress or ignore it.

Moving Forward

Grief brings unexpected emotions, but each feeling has a purpose. When you create space for your emotions to arise, you honor your healing process and take a powerful step toward peace.

In my next post, I’ll address Guilt in Grief—a common and complex emotion that often arises after loss. Stay tuned for guidance on navigating these challenging feelings.

Seeking Support

Healing doesn’t have to happen in isolation. If you’re ready to explore one-on-one grief coaching, I invite you to schedule a free consultation call at the link below. Together, we can create a structured plan for your healing, offering compassionate witnessing and actionable steps tailored to your unique journey. 

Consider enrolling in my self-guided grief course Hearts Held Well: Your Grief + Healing, at the link below.

My clients often share that grief coaching has been life-changing, helping them process their emotions and find clarity. Many return for deeper work or refer loved ones. If you’re curious, visit my website to read testimonials and learn what’s possible for you.