Just Stay Busy (and Other Lies We’ve Loved)

Just Stay Busy (and Other Lies We’ve Loved)

When grief strikes, the world doesn’t stop. Responsibilities, schedules, and expectations remain. In the chaos of heartbreak, the urge to “just stay busy” can feel like the only way to survive. You might have heard this advice—offered with good intentions—by well-meaning friends, family, colleagues, or even your own inner voice.

The belief that busyness can erase pain is one of six common grief myths, grief beliefs, identified by grief experts John James and Russell Friedman in The Grief Recovery Handbook. These beliefs often slow our healing rather than help. Let’s explore the “Stay Busy” myth and how it might be holding you back from true healing.

The Allure of Busyness

Busyness can feel like a lifeline during grief. It distracts, organizes, and provides a sense of normalcy when life feels anything but normal. Here are some reasons why staying busy is so tempting:

• Distraction and Relief: Diving into tasks can momentarily shift focus away from your overwhelming pain of loss.
• Control in Chaos: Keeping your schedule packed offers a sense of control when everything else feels out of your hands.
• Routine and Structure: Busyness creates a daily rhythm, a small sense of stability amid the tumult.
• Avoidance of Pain: Avoiding your grief can feel safer than confronting it, but avoidance only delays the inevitable.
• Social Comfort: Staying busy often involves connection with others, providing moments of support and empathy.
• Temporary Self-Care: Activities that bring joy or relaxation can be soothing, but healing requires more than surface-level comfort.

While these coping mechanisms might help in the short term, they come with a hidden cost:

Why Busyness Breaks You

Grief doesn’t vanish when ignored. It waits. It’s like a beach ball held underwater—eventually, it bursts to the surface, demanding attention. Pushing grief aside with constant activity only buries it deeper, and in time, the weight of it can become unbearable.

Here’s the truth: Busyness doesn’t heal your grief; tending to grief does. Healing comes when you slow down, sit with your pain, and process it—on your own terms and with the right support.

A New Path Forward

Slowing down is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage. Choosing to address your grief with intention saves you time, money, and emotional energy in the long run. It also models healthy coping for your loved ones, particularly children who learn by watching how you navigate heartbreak.

Working with a grief professional can make this journey more manageable. A trusted grief coach offers compassionate witnessing, actionable steps, and a structured plan to guide your healing.

The Ripple Effect of Healing

When you allow yourself to heal, the impact extends beyond you. It ripples through your family, community, and work. Healed people heal people. Your courage to slow down and tend to your grief creates space for others to do the same.

Ready to Take the First Step?

If you’re ready to break free from the myth of busyness and begin your healing journey, I invite you to explore one-on-one grief coaching with me. Together, we can create a tailored plan to support your unique grief, build self-trust, and navigate the ebbs and flows of heartbreak.

Next Blog Post: Be Strong for Others (and Why That’s Not Always Helpful).