Why Seasonal Changes Can Intensify Grief: Preparing for Emotional Shifts This Fall

Your grief is as unique to you as your fingerprint. Therefore, you are your own best guide in your unique grief. Seasonal changes, especially the transition from summer to fall and then into winter, can intensify your grief for several reasons. Knowing these can help you be prepared to take better care of yourself and tend to your grief and healing in these seasonal transitions.

1. Seasonal Changes:

• Shorter Days and Longer Nights: Reduced daylight can affect your mood, leading to feelings of sadness or depression, which may amplify your grief. The longer nights can also bring about feelings of loneliness or isolation.
• Weather Changes: Colder weather and the loss of greenery can symbolize an end, mirroring the sense of loss in your grief. This can bring grief to the forefront as nature itself appears to be “mourning” in its way. On the other hand, I have had clients who feel comforted in the feeling that the exterior landscape now matches their interior landscape.
• Seasonal Events and Traditions: As fall and winter approach, reminders of upcoming holidays and past traditions can trigger memories of your loved ones who have died, intensifying your grief experience. The seasonal transition can come with anxiety and dread of holiday expectation of joy. 

2. Social and Cultural Expectations:

• Holiday Preparations: Even in September, the early signs of holiday marketing and planning can stir your anxiety and sadness, reminding you of gatherings and traditions that may feel incomplete without your loved one.
• Social Gatherings: Fall often brings increased social activity indoors (school starting, holidays approaching), which can be overwhelming if you’re not ready to participate in festivities or feel the absence of someone significant.

3. Internal Reflection:

• End-of-Year Reflection: We aren’t there yet but the approaching end of the year can lead to reflection on the past, including the loss and the challenges of navigating the year without your loved one. This introspection can deepen your feelings of grief. Knowing this can help you 1) opt-out, or 2)redirect your self-care to the present, right now and/or 3)expand your network of support. You deserve a lush eco-system of support, in your grief, and always. Imagine what that might feel like and expect in your life.

How to Prepare for Fall and Winter Holidays:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:

• Recognize that it’s normal to feel a heightened sense of grief as the seasons change. Allowing your emotions to arise, rather than stuffing them down, is a crucial step to truly feeling them, and what you can feel you can heal. If you are in early grief and your feelings are flattening you, this is normal. Opt-out of doing and just keep being. You are your best guide in your grief and you are not doing it “wrong”.   

2. Create a Coping Plan:

• Self-Care Routines: This sounds like work, but by establishing or reinforcing self-care practices, you support your emotional well-being. The basics to focus on are rest, hydration + nutrition, and getting fresh air. These pillars help your brain and body process your grief and heal. As you are able, your plan might also include regular exercise, mindfulness practices, and setting aside time for activities that bring you comfort.
• Set Boundaries: Be mindful of your limits regarding social engagements and holiday preparations. It’s okay to say no and/or modify traditions to suit your current emotional state. It’s okay to change your mind about attending anything, or opt-out altogether. Let the (holi)day be the day, and trust yourself to know what you need on this day.   

3. Plan Ahead: 

• Modify Traditions: Consider how you might want to approach the holidays differently this year. You might want to honor your loved one with new rituals or scale back on celebrations that feel too painful, or opt-out altogether. I repeat: It’s okay to change your mind about attending anything, or opt-out altogether. Let the (holi)day be the day, and trust yourself to know what you need on this day.
• Seek Support: Reach out to a grief coach, support group, or TRUSTED friends and/or family as the seasons change. Sharing your feelings, and being witnessed and affirmed in your pain, can lessen the burden and help you feel less alone. 

4. Focus on the Present:

• Stay grounded in the present moment, focusing on what you can control and what feels right for you right now. This can help you navigate the emotional challenges of fall and the anticipation of the holidays. 

Grief changes everything. You are re-creating you. By acknowledging how seasonal changes impact your grief and taking proactive steps to prepare, you can navigate these challenging months with greater resilience and compassion for yourself.