6 Grief Beliefs That May Slow Your Healing

As a grief coach, I often help people uncover the roadblocks that prevent them from truly tending to their grief. One of the most common obstacles? Beliefs about grief that we’ve absorbed over time—myths that can slow our healing and make us doubt our own grief journey.

These beliefs may have been passed down through family traditions, modeled in childhood, or reinforced by the media. They’re often unhelpful, inherited ideas that don’t align with the reality of grief’s complexities. Recognizing and releasing them can clear the way for deeper understanding, self-compassion, and healing.

Here are six common grief beliefs that may sound familiar:

1. Don’t feel bad.
2. Replace the loss.
3. Grieve alone.
4. Just give it time.
5. Be strong for others.
6. Stay busy.

These beliefs were identified by John James and Russell Friedman in The Grief Recovery Handbook and are echoed by many grief experts. You might recognize them not only in your personal grief but also in comments from others or cultural narratives around loss.

Why These Beliefs Can Be Harmful

If we internalize these messages, we might feel like we’re grieving “wrong” if our experience doesn’t match these outdated ideas. This can lead to judgment, self-doubt, and even guilt.

For example, staying busy might help you temporarily avoid painful feelings, but it doesn’t address your underlying grief. Similarly, being strong for others can make you neglect your own emotional needs. These beliefs prioritize suppression over expression, making it harder to heal.

The Truth About Grief

Let’s replace these myths with three essential truths that can offer clarity and comfort:

1. Grief is normal and natural.
   Grief is the emotional response to any significant loss—not just the death of a loved one. It’s a testament to the love and connection you’ve experienced.
2. Your grief is unique to you.
   Just like your fingerprint, your grief reflects your individual experiences, history, and emotions. No two people will grieve in the same way.
3. Even shared grief looks different for everyone.
   If you’ve experienced a loss within a family or shared community, your grief may share some similarities with others—but it will still express itself differently. Each person requires their own kind of tending and support.

How These Insights Can Help You Heal

Understanding these truths can help you stop comparing your grief to others’ and let go of judgments about how you “should” grieve. This perspective can also help you break generational patterns of suppressing or ignoring grief, creating ripples of healing in your family and community.

What’s Next?

In upcoming posts, I’ll dive deeper into each of these six beliefs, starting with “Stay Busy.” We’ll explore how these ideas show up, why they’re unhelpful, and what you can do instead to foster healing.

Remember, your grief is valid, your journey is unique, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.

Sending you care and compassion on your path,
Robin

If you found this post helpful, feel free to share it with others who may benefit. And if you’re ready for personalized support in your grief journey, I’m here to help.