5 Signs Your Grief May Be Intensifying (Holiday Version)

In the seasonal transition from fall to winter, and as the winter holidays approach, you might find that your pain and sadness feel more intense than usual. This time of year, filled with celebrations, traditions, togetherness, and expectations of joy, can amplify your feelings of loss in ways that might catch you off guard. 

For shorthand, I call this Holiday Grief. Understanding holiday grief can help you better prepare and care for yourself during the season. 

Here are 5 Signs of Holiday Grief:

1. Increased Emotional Sensitivity: You may find yourself more tearful, irritable, or emotionally volatile than usual, especially as holiday traditions or memories trigger reminders of your loss.

• Example: You're decorating the Christmas tree and come across an ornament that belonged to your late mother. Instead of feeling nostalgic, you suddenly feel a wave of sadness and begin crying.

2. Withdrawal from Social Activities: Avoiding gatherings, declining invitations, or isolating yourself more than usual during the holiday season can be signs that you're struggling with your grief.

• Example: A friend invites you to a holiday party, but the thought of celebrating without your deceased partner makes you anxious, so you make an excuse to stay home instead.

3. Feeling Overwhelmed by Traditions: Holiday traditions that once brought you joy might now feel overwhelming or painful, leading to anxiety or dread as the season approaches.

• Example: Baking cookies was always a cherished family tradition, but this year, you feel paralyzed by the thought of doing it without your sibling, who passed away. You end up abandoning the idea altogether.

4. Physical Symptoms: Experiencing fatigue, headaches, or other stress-related physical symptoms can be a sign that the emotional toll of grief is manifesting in your body.

• Example: As the holidays approach, you start experiencing tension headaches and difficulty sleeping, which you realize are linked to the stress of facing the season without your loved one.

5. Difficulty Finding Joy: Even in the presence of loved ones or during activities that used to bring you happiness, you might find it hard to feel the same level of joy or contentment, as your grief overshadows your holiday experience.

• Example: During a holiday dinner with family, you go through the motions of eating and talking, but you feel numb inside. The laughter and joy around you feel distant, and you struggle to connect with the festive atmosphere.

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Holiday Grief: 5 Things You Can Do to Take Care of Yourself in Holiday Grief

If you experience these signs of holiday grief, here are some steps you can take to care for yourself during this challenging time:

Increased Emotional Sensitivity:

Action: Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Create space to express your feelings through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or engaging in creative outlets like art or music. It’s okay to cry or feel sad; acknowledging your emotions is a form of self-compassion. What you feel you can heal.

Withdrawal from Social Activities:

Action: Honor your need for space, but try to find a balance. Consider attending smaller, low-pressure gatherings or setting boundaries by letting loved ones know you might need to step away if things become overwhelming. If you’re not ready to be social, do things that bring you comfort, like reading a book, taking a walk, or spending time in nature.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Traditions:

Action: Give yourself permission to modify or skip certain traditions this year. You might create new rituals that feel more manageable or meaningful in your current state. For example, if cooking a big holiday meal feels too much, consider ordering in or having a simple, comforting dish instead.

Physical Symptoms:

Action: Prioritize your physical well-being by getting adequate rest, eating nourishing foods, and engaging in gentle exercise like yoga or walking. Practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation, to help manage stress-related symptoms.

Difficulty Finding Joy:

Action: Focus on small moments of pleasure or peace rather than forcing yourself to feel joyful. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same excitement as in previous years. Prioritize self-care practices that help you connect with your body and mind, such as warm baths, listening to soothing music, or spending time with a pet.

Additionally, consider reaching out for support during the winter holidays, whether through a grief coach, support group, or close friend who understands your situation. Connecting with trusted people who help you feel understood and supported in your grief provides comfort and reduces your feelings of isolation. You don’t have to navigate your grief alone.